Been such a long time
I have not really been up to blogging much lately; but I was reminded about it when I came across a photo I took with my webcam when I was in hospital recovering from my cancer operation and also my Thailand date is just “around the corner” I fly out on 22 nd January and it has flown by fast (no pun intended) As I have been resting and recovering from the flu bug that seems to be affecting everyone, I also feet in a writing mood and have the time as I had to cancel a visit to Leicester to visit Lisa and Pauline, I did not want to cancel but I can’t take any chances with surgery, as with a chest infection my date would be delayed and I don’t want any more delaying. There are a few little bits to catch up on Where do I start, I take it that for people who have read my previous blog I can report that I have had two more tattoos done since, my boobs have healed very nicely, I have written out profile details for dating sites and I have started to set things in motion for a more active social life this year. Photos to give a quick update. An Eastenders Christmas It is sad for me write this, but in some ways it was going to happen with how events had been developing over the last six months. I did spend Christmas at my sisters again and we had also planned to go out (just the 2 of us) My dad was still acting like a bigot and I have continued to have no contact with him since his actions last Christmas (is in a previous blog) But my sister has started to act “shifty” in how she was on the phone to me and how she had stopped phoning me so much or even returning my missed phone calls to her. She had asked me if she could loan £5000 from me before that, I had to tell her I did not have the money and she still owed me “250 from her summer holiday” (now the eastenders reference makes sense!) I had offered her what I considered good help and advice, about contacting CAB, writing letters, budgeting, even offering to travel to hers, make appointments and help her to stop hiding her head under the sand, but she said she had no time! I do understand it is not for me to ask her to choose a side in the argument with my dad, but I had asked her not to tell him about how I was doing as this was just between us sisters, which I felt was fair of me to ask. She ended up borrowing the money of my dad (as was found out on Christmas day). I had planned to travel up to her by train on Christmas eve and return home the day after boxing day, I have found from past experience that trains hardly run over the Christmas holiday, Well all of a sudden our boxing day meal was cancelled has she had to go to her partners house for a dinner, (no invite for me) and could I go home boxing day, I had suggested that I could stay at hers and while she was at the meal I was happy to watch television and make myself a turkey sandwich. The answer to this was no, could I go home boxing day, for this I had to use a car service and cost me a extra £40, and my first thought was to cancel coming over, but I thought it is Christmas a time to be together. When I was there on Christmas eve, I did have to tell my sister to calm down a few times as she shouted at my nieces a lot about mess, there really was none and one had brought in wrapping paper to the kitchen to wrap presents and had planned to tidy up after, to me it was a sign that she was not totally comfortable. I was sitting in her living room and noticed a big Christmas card that had a headline “TO A SPECIAL DAUGHTER AT CHRISTMAS” yes to me it looked that big. It was a card from my dad to my sister and no I had not received a card. It really hurt, but I thought let it go, anyway as things progressed over the day and into Christmas day, events become clearer, how people slip up when they have had wine! My dad was going to be at this dinner, it was a family event, well apart from me, hey let’s not invite the family freak, but my dad caught sleeping with prostitutes is ok (I kid not) I was still keeping a lid on my feelings when my sister really reacted as I put my glass of wine onto a table, about spilling it etc; I think it was like the final straw and I let rip at her verbally. I went home and we haven’t spoken since, well once via a text I sent her to inform her that the cheque she wrote me had bounced and I felt that after six months could I please have my money back!. In truth I don’t know where this will end, I know my patience with a lot of people has gone, and perhaps it is time for me to put myself first. Social life going well I have started going out and have been getting plenty of attention or offers, so this is nice, inside I feel very relaxed and happy with who I am, and I think this now shows through to other people. My look is my own and I love it, I can look back to when I was ill and decided to be totally who I am. Job centre interview It went ok; the interview is part of me getting my Employment Support Allowance (ESA), the lady I spoke to was very nice and I was able to update her about my operation and that I would not be able to be fit for part time work or studying to about March time, to recover from surgery. I am looking at courses to study and part time jobs and I do feel ready to get back out there again, so 2011 will be a big year for me. Packing lists again! As a certain Scottish lady said to me the other day online, don’t forget the packing lists, as if I would! I have surpassed myself and have three 1 – Hand luggage 2 – Main luggage 3 – Post op care. Also using my shopping list opened up a new world to me as I started to buy maxi pads and panty liners. I feel very calm about the whole process, I am sure that I will be nervous on the day, this is for any type of surgery, it is my time and I am totally ready. I am taking my notebook and will have internet access in Thailand, so there will be updates. That’s all for now, thank you for reading and everyone’s support so far.
Been such a long time